My parents had a very happy marriage and still do.  I always imagined it would be the same for me. I never imagined that I would end up as another divorce statistic.  But it happened.  

I had a lovely comfortable life and now I sometimes feel so bad and so lonely that I just don’t know what to do with myself.  My kids are a comfort and they are really what keeps me going these days.  

I suppose that every couple thinks that their meeting was special, but ours was. Tim and I met on a working holiday in France.  We hit it off immediately and fell in love and got married within 6 months.   I still have a picture of us picking grapes, him brown and bare chested, with cut off jean shorts and me, in tiny red hot pants with a boob tube.   You would not recognise me from that photo now though.  

After we got married and after having three children, I put on a lot of weight.   Tim said he didn’t mind but I knew he did.  He would rarely want to make love and when he did he would never explore my body as he used to.  It was more like a wham bam thank you ma’am.   It felt as though he wanted to get it over with as soon as he could.   I go depressed and that made me eat more.   I just kept piling the weight on.  

One day we were watching Jeremy Kyle on the TV and one of the guys on there was saying that he did not fancy his wife anymore because she had put on so much weight.  The audience went nuts calling him shallow and saying he should love her whatever.  Almost before he had had a chance to think about it Tim blurted out that he could see where the guy was coming from, if you were attracted to a thin athletic build of woman that was what you liked!   He immediately realised what he had said and tried to back track but it was too late.  He had confirmed what I already knew.

More weight piled on and eventually Tim moved into the spare room.  He said it was because I snored and I probably did.  I could not have felt any worse, any less feminine or desirable.   It was almost a relief when he asked for a divorce.  I knew that it hurt him a lot, he cried when he asked me, but he was right, there was nothing between us any more, just the kids.

He soon met someone else and I see her in the car when he comes to the house to pick up the kids.  She looks a lot like I think I would have looked if I had not put on so much weight.  Same hair colour, in fact you could easily take us for sisters!  

I still feel very sad about what I have lost, but I know there is no going back.   The worst of it is that a lot of his friends and family stopped speaking to me after the divorce.  It was not an acrimonious divorce so I don’t really know why they have dropped me.  Mind you when I see my reflection in the mirror I have my suspicions.

I realise now that I have to take charge of my own life and lose some weight.  I have signed on to a slimming club and so far I have lost 8 pounds.  I am also trying to get my confidence back in other ways by trying new activities out and meeting new people.  In a year things might be very different, I certainly hope so.