A short and sweet list for the newly divorcing and emotionally raw to get you through this hellish time.
Tell the people closest to you.
You need support. It can be quite difficult telling the first few people, but every time you do it, it gets easier. When telling people (other than your closest friends and family) keep it neutral and factual. Avoid over-sharing – you might regret it.
Give yourself some leeway to be a bit crazy.
You’re not yourself right now. Cry if you need to, forgive your mistakes (whether at work or with people) and generally be kind to yourself..
Go on forums, find other people going through the same thing.
It helps to not feel alone. Our site offers both so check it out!
If you can afford it, go and see a legal professional.
You don’t want to go down the court route if you can help it. However, just spending some time with a legal person can lift some of the worry of what happens next. You know that if the worst comes to the worst, you’ve got cavalry. We have also put some advice about what to expect on this site. (Insert link)
Get a counsellor.
If you get a good one, it will be the best money you ever spent. You can talk without worrying about boring the other person and they will actually help you learn from this and see hope. See here for help finding a counsellor.
Write stuff down.
It is another way to get all those feeling and thoughts out.
Plan nice things to do.
Even if you don’t enjoy things as much as usual, having things to break up the sadness will help. So book a holiday if you can afford it, plan to eat your favourite meal or see a nice film.
Eat well, get some sleep and exercise.
Divorce can put immense strain on the system and you need to look after yourself.
Read some personal development books
There are some cracking books out there. Self help isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if you like a read, then look website link our list of recommended reads. There are some really difficult areas to negotiate through during a divorce and a brilliant book can help you feel a bit more armed to cope.
Minimise the amount of time spent alone.
While you need time to process what’s happening, too much time on your own can drive you a bit crazy. Planning people to be with will take some effort and you will need to think about how to spend your weekends. You can also join clubs or Meetups. We have Meetups across the country and people have found it was a great first step to getting back out there and socialising solo. This is your time to try something new so let the adventure begin!
Lucy Davis is a co-founder of divorceclub.com and a TV Producer. She divorced 6 years ago. She is a passionate advocate for exploring the potential for change and creativity that can result from the trauma of divorce.