This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Dr Isabelle Hung isabelle 2 years, 8 months ago.

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  • #1247
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    glorybee
    Participant

    It’s been 3.5 month since my separation. The day I found out my husband had been having an affair for 1.5 years. I was a hot mess at the beginning but have slowly pulled myself back together. But there are still so many days when I want to scream to the universe that it’s not fair.

    He showed no remorse. Demanded a divorce immediately. I didn’t ask for any of this. I was committed to my husband and my marriage. I wanted to work on things. I didn’t ask for my family to be ripped apart, to now have my children spend up to 50 percent of their lives away from me. And how is it possible that someone who helped destroy my marriage gets to have a pseudo-parental role over my children. It’s like saying that if your children are abducted, you now have to share access time with their kidnapper.

    Maybe it’s because it’s the lead up to Christmas and for the first time my kids (7 year old twins and a 2 year old) will be spending part of the holiday away from me. I’m dreading it but trying to plan things so I am not alone. But I am so angry at times. I know there is nothing I can do and just have to accept the reality of my life, but it’s hard.

    It feels like my husband can wreak whatever havoc he likes and get rewarded for it. A new partner, continued access to the children be wasn’t prepared to fight for, and barely any censure from family and friends because, apparently, these things happen. People grow apart.

    The grieving is all mine. I am alone, blindsided and get the distinct feeling that there is a time limit over how long I can indulge my pain before coming across as the bitter divorce lady.

    It just feels crap.

  • #1252
    Dr Isabelle Hung
    isabelle
    Participant

    Sorry to hear that Glorybee. You have been badly let down and are having to pay a high price. Really admire you for for coming here to share your anger.
    You are doing the right thing letting your children keep on seeing their father.
    Do something nice over Christmas, go and see someone, plan your fav food/films etc. Christmas is a really hard time but it will get easier. Cliche but true.
    You deserve love and this man clearly can no longer do this.
    Vent away here as much as you need xxx

  • #1257
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    glorybee
    Participant

    Thank you Isabelle. I know it’s a process. That’s what everyone says. It will get better. And it already has. I was literally shell-shocked at first. Could barely eat or sleep and was just trying to make sense of what was happening. I’m doing better and trying to get out and spend time with friends and sign up for new activities. I feel like i’m doing all the right things but I still get hit by so many different emotions, sometimes all in a day. I can go from intense anger, to unbelievable sadness and pain, sometimes it’s just helplessness. Maybe it will get better after Christmas.

  • #1258
    Dr Isabelle Hung
    isabelle
    Participant

    I remember that feeling! Argh! Just accept those emotions as just something you will have to experience and will go in time. Took me about 4 months before I stopped crying everyday and then it was alternate days etc. Wasn’t until about 9 months in that I had my first tear free day. Are you in London? Can you come to the bowling day?

  • #1260
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    glorybee
    Participant

    I am going to try to come along. I’m not necessarily great company at the moment but just trying to get out of the house when I can.

  • #1275
    Dr Isabelle Hung
    isabelle
    Participant

    Don’t worry about that! The whole point of this meetup is that people are really understanding and accept you wherever you are at.. We always have the whole gamut of emotions; sadness, anger, joy, laughter…… but people always say they feel better after.

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